Wednesday, 24 February 2010

Through the Hard times,....

Ok so... Producing has kind of gone down the pot.

I was working with Simon, Matt and Lee. Orla and Alex, Holly and Jess. I put together calenders for each of them and worked my way around stuff working as a contact point for the groups. Alex and Orla had some contact problems due to technical difficulties, and Jess was suffering with an ankle problem for a day or two and couldn't get in.

The hard part came pretty early on into the whole project, and as a result, I have thrown my producing onto a back rink to concentrate on doing my own project. I guess I feel kind of down heartened by it all. But it's been a hard ride. I guess I could lay blame,... but I don't see it as being the right thing to do. I kind of know now who I can and cannot work with. I'm going to continue helping Holly and Orla's groups. But I want to have something to show for this project, and I know I'm technically as well qualified to do something as awesome as everyone else. Admittedly with a lot less time than I scheduled my groups. But none the less that went out the window because no-one seemed to follow what I had set out for them and even when I pushed I found myself granted little to no respect in the way of my position. (Admittedly not with every group)

My main downfall came with the group I was working with within' my house. I know this may cause conflict, or even make it 'hard to live' but to be honest, It's far too hard for me to just house up emotion because others don't want 'dead air' that hasn't been caused by myself. 

Now I know I'm on the same course as everyone here, and I know that it's hard to have a leader if you don't do the whole authority thing, especially me being me, I've lost so many jobs because I refuse to be walked on, but at the same time, I still have RESPECT for everyone around me, and their given skills, I mean hell, everyone in Animation has some amazing talent, and I'm so lucky to be around the people I am, and recently I had even found that I had talent you know? I could organize people, I AM a good leader and I work well with people who share the same respect as me. This is why I tried my hardest to allocate jobs dependent on those skills while I was working as a producer. I even got told by a few people I did a great job. RESPECT is a reason that people act the way they do, but I had plenty of this when addressing my class mates and the people I was working with, if I had a problem I would address it with them directly, I would not go behind their backs to have words with anyone higher up. This is where my problems start. I have spoken about the issue to those that it matters to, and I hope that the person that lacked the respect for me in the role I had chosen gets treated better than I did when it comes their turn, Cause it's kinda hurtful. 

On that note, due to this, and my rota not being followed, groups have fallen behind, I know they can bring it back, but I don't feel that with the third year projects coming up and the focus on those, that I would like to be marked on my production of these projects, as a friend I will help anyone who asks it of me, as a want to be producer, I will help organise and track down anyone who needs to be tracked down, but I don't think I could claim responsibility for any of these things getting done. I don't feel as if this project has been handled in a professional mannerism, and maybe that's down to me,... but it also feels as if the work I had done and all I had tried to do had been undermined. 

Trying not to sound like myself in despair. No amounts of walking to Falmouth or getting out to take my mind of how I feel is helping. I'm hoping working with new people on the third year project will give me that breath of fresh air that I so crave. Plus maybe I'll even get to get a bit Tim Burton on everyone's ass! 


Ps. I know all of this could be written in an evaluation where only tutors could read it, but to be fair... That's not how I play. I will lay out and talk to ANYONE who has an issue with me, as I would expect with anyone else. I know everyone has their own personality and for some people it CAN be hard. But again,... it's all a part of respecting one another.

No comments:

Post a Comment